One of the parts that really stuck out to me was when one of the characters is reading this book on love or how to love.. or something or other... and there are these cheesy commandments. One of these upsets her:
"Thou shalt not fear."
I found it very interesting because anyone that has had their heart broken before knows that it's almost impossible NOT to be afraid after that.
I can only really speak for myself, but I know that it takes me a long time to bring a wall down after I've put one up.
For anyone who has never experienced heartbreak.. first of all, you're lucky. Second of all, you may think it takes a long time to forgive someone for something they did to you that negatively affected you.
It takes so much longer to not be afraid that someone else will do it to you.
I've been hurt so much, in big and small ways, that these are my own expectations.
People in general:
They will talk badly about me to other people.
They will sell me out if it meant saving their own ass.
They will always put themselves before me.
If they're a certain type of person that gets kicks out of this kind of thing, they will lie, make things up and/or twist thing to make themselves look like the good guy, even if it makes me look like the bad guy.
Now I'm not saying that those things are necessarily TERRIBLE and HAVE to change. We all do it.
Putting ourselves before others is a survival mechanism...
HOWEVER
I personally will not compromise truth to save myself. If I made a mistake, I'll own up to it.
If I'm guilty of something, I'll admit it to the whole world.
I realize it may not be the smartest thing all the time, but I have been lied to SO MUCH and I've done so much thinking about lying that I truly believe that truth should be one of those unalienable rights that everyone is born with.
Anyway, let's continue on to something a little more personal and a lot more controversial.
Males:
They will take advantage of me.
Putting ourselves before others is a survival mechanism...
HOWEVER
I personally will not compromise truth to save myself. If I made a mistake, I'll own up to it.
If I'm guilty of something, I'll admit it to the whole world.
I realize it may not be the smartest thing all the time, but I have been lied to SO MUCH and I've done so much thinking about lying that I truly believe that truth should be one of those unalienable rights that everyone is born with.
Anyway, let's continue on to something a little more personal and a lot more controversial.
Males:
They will take advantage of me.
They will use me for everything I have to give, then leave me with nothing.
They will turn situations around on me to make me feel guilty, even if I did nothing wrong.
They will turn situations around on me to make me feel guilty, even if I did nothing wrong.
They will brag to all of their friends about me until they aren't seeing me anymore, then they'll say the worst things. Most of the time, the things they brag about are relatively true, and the terrible things they say afterward are completely false, but there are exceptions.
They will leave me for someone better (in their eyes).
They will try to control me, and in doing that, will alienate me from my friends and family.
They will leave me for someone better (in their eyes).
They will try to control me, and in doing that, will alienate me from my friends and family.
They will forbid me to talk to any male that I'm not related to, but they will continue to converse with other females (which would be fine)... and heavily flirt with them.
They will probably cheat on me.
They will lie about it.
Actually, they'll lie about any little thing if it means avoiding confrontation. (Possibly the one thing I cannot STAND about relationships... or people in general. Girls do this too, and it's STUPID. I've been lied to about everything, anywhere from cheating to the price they paid for something, and it's all dumb. It's so much easier to forgive someone and move on if they have the respect to be honest with you.)
They will probably cheat on me.
They will lie about it.
Actually, they'll lie about any little thing if it means avoiding confrontation. (Possibly the one thing I cannot STAND about relationships... or people in general. Girls do this too, and it's STUPID. I've been lied to about everything, anywhere from cheating to the price they paid for something, and it's all dumb. It's so much easier to forgive someone and move on if they have the respect to be honest with you.)
They will expect me to be okay with it when they treat me terribly.
They will yell and scream, take their anger out on me, and make me feel like their mistakes are all my fault.
They will belittle me by making me feel stupid, unattractive or otherwise inadequate.
They will belittle me by making me feel stupid, unattractive or otherwise inadequate.
In the end, they'll hurt me. They'll possibly break my heart, but that just depends how much I cared about them, really.
And some guys wonder why I prefer to be single.
There are probably more things I'd expect a guy to do to me, but I can't really think of any more at this point.
It's a long list anyway, and I don't want to get too off-topic or seem like I really hate males because I don't.
I actually prefer them to females. They start to feel comfortable enough to become their heartless selves when you start to let your guard down.
It's a long list anyway, and I don't want to get too off-topic or seem like I really hate males because I don't.
I actually prefer them to females. They start to feel comfortable enough to become their heartless selves when you start to let your guard down.
Anyway.
I have a female friend who loves her boyfriend to death. I can see it, and I'm pretty sure anyone else that knows them can too. The obstacles they overcome for each other are astounding. I admire her for her strength because it's a type of strength I'm not sure I could muster up. It's a risk I would be entirely too afraid to take.
I don't know her boyfriend well. I mean, I've met the guy once. However, he seems like a genuine guy. From what she has told me and from what I've seen, I really think he loves her just as much as she loves him.
At the end of the day though, he's still a male, so he doesn't think about things the same way females do, and he sometimes does/says things without analyzing how it may affect her, and she ends up hurt from it.
But. He seems to make up for it every time, and from what she has told me, it has been a total misunderstanding every time (it's only happened a few occasions the entire time they've been together) and he has explained it to her and said/done the right things to make her feel 100% better about the situation.
She told me today that she loves him too much.
I told her that she just loves him.
She said it scares her.
I asked her if she thought he was going to hurt her.
And do you know what she said, my attentive audience?
"They always do."
I have a female friend who loves her boyfriend to death. I can see it, and I'm pretty sure anyone else that knows them can too. The obstacles they overcome for each other are astounding. I admire her for her strength because it's a type of strength I'm not sure I could muster up. It's a risk I would be entirely too afraid to take.
I don't know her boyfriend well. I mean, I've met the guy once. However, he seems like a genuine guy. From what she has told me and from what I've seen, I really think he loves her just as much as she loves him.
At the end of the day though, he's still a male, so he doesn't think about things the same way females do, and he sometimes does/says things without analyzing how it may affect her, and she ends up hurt from it.
But. He seems to make up for it every time, and from what she has told me, it has been a total misunderstanding every time (it's only happened a few occasions the entire time they've been together) and he has explained it to her and said/done the right things to make her feel 100% better about the situation.
She told me today that she loves him too much.
I told her that she just loves him.
She said it scares her.
I asked her if she thought he was going to hurt her.
And do you know what she said, my attentive audience?
"They always do."
If that's not depressing, I don't know what is.
She's right, they always have hurt her, just like they've always hurt me.
So I started to think about my most recent relationship and how I was so fearless the entire time. How could I take such HUGE blind risks on someone? How could I give him my entire heart like that, regardless of his past of hurting girls, of hurting ME? (Yes, people, it wasn't the first time I'd cried over what that boy did to me.)
Well... I think I did it because I figured that some risks are just worth taking.
Sometimes you have to throw your heart out there.
Most of the time, someone stomps all over it and throws it back in your face.
But we all keep trying in hopes that we'll throw it out there to someone who will catch it and hold onto it, someone who will give us theirs in return.
In my book, that's worth fighting for.
And it seems to me that if these two people have had the strength to make it this far, they can get through anything. I believe in them, and I think she should too.
My dad always says it's easy to coach from the bleachers, so I realize that I'm doing a lot of preaching and not a lot of practicing at this time. Forgive me for that.
I think, in the end, we all just have to follow our hearts, but never stop allowing our minds to guide them.
Our minds will, more often than not, protect us from hurting over the stupid mistakes our hearts make.
So I think if someone takes the effort to prove such beautiful messages of trust, love, etc. to you, you shouldn't let fear hold you back from TRULY accepting them.
Yes, sometimes things don't work out as planned and you could end up hurt, I'm not denying that possibility.
But... in my own experiences, when I was afraid of someone hurting me, I let myself be afraid.
I kept letting my own stupid irrational fears get to me until I did something to screw it all up.
It happened with one person in particular, and I've regretted it ever since.
I ran away and threw away a great guy all because I was afraid.
I convinced myself that minor problems were actually major problems, allowing myself to excuse running away like I did.
It's only now that I realize that I was just plain cowardly.
It's okay to be a little afraid, it's meant to protect you.
On the flip side,
She's right, they always have hurt her, just like they've always hurt me.
So I started to think about my most recent relationship and how I was so fearless the entire time. How could I take such HUGE blind risks on someone? How could I give him my entire heart like that, regardless of his past of hurting girls, of hurting ME? (Yes, people, it wasn't the first time I'd cried over what that boy did to me.)
Well... I think I did it because I figured that some risks are just worth taking.
Sometimes you have to throw your heart out there.
Most of the time, someone stomps all over it and throws it back in your face.
But we all keep trying in hopes that we'll throw it out there to someone who will catch it and hold onto it, someone who will give us theirs in return.
In my book, that's worth fighting for.
And it seems to me that if these two people have had the strength to make it this far, they can get through anything. I believe in them, and I think she should too.
My dad always says it's easy to coach from the bleachers, so I realize that I'm doing a lot of preaching and not a lot of practicing at this time. Forgive me for that.
I think, in the end, we all just have to follow our hearts, but never stop allowing our minds to guide them.
Our minds will, more often than not, protect us from hurting over the stupid mistakes our hearts make.
So I think if someone takes the effort to prove such beautiful messages of trust, love, etc. to you, you shouldn't let fear hold you back from TRULY accepting them.
Yes, sometimes things don't work out as planned and you could end up hurt, I'm not denying that possibility.
But... in my own experiences, when I was afraid of someone hurting me, I let myself be afraid.
I kept letting my own stupid irrational fears get to me until I did something to screw it all up.
It happened with one person in particular, and I've regretted it ever since.
I ran away and threw away a great guy all because I was afraid.
I convinced myself that minor problems were actually major problems, allowing myself to excuse running away like I did.
It's only now that I realize that I was just plain cowardly.
It's okay to be a little afraid, it's meant to protect you.
On the flip side,
never let your fears overcome you.
Even if you do get hurt, you'll pick yourself up, and you'll stand a little taller with that experience under your belt.
Maybe it's a messed up way to look at things, but I really think that each person in our life is a stepping stone, up until we find the people that will step on those stones with us... people like our parents, our siblings, the love of our life..
In the end, you can't let anything blind you, be it love, fear, or anything else. Keep your head on straight, never forget what you're aiming for, and TRUST YOURSELF. If it feels right, it probably is.
Don't lose faith in the way the universe works, and if you ever do, read A Piece of Cake by Cupcake Brown. Her life story will prove to you that everything happens for a reason. It's really very moving.
Anyway.
Trust that you are right where you're supposed to be, and everything will work out in the end.
And specifically to you, the friend I'm talking about, I KNOW things will work out for you. You're too good of a person for them not to. Look at how successful you've been already, in all of your endeavors.
I don't think you realize how much I admire you, and I don't think you realize how lovable you really are.
Is it because so many people have thrown you away for some other broad that you feel like nobody could really actually want you?
I feel the same way, look at what jerkface did to me. If that's not proof that people are sometimes just plain stupid and selfish, then I don't know how else to prove it to you.
Does loving this guy feel right? Does loving this guy seem right?
If your mind and your heart (without fear clouding them) agree, then I think you've got something worth fighting for, and if you do, I hope neither of you ever forget how lucky you are to have each other.
Thanks for readin' :]
Even if you do get hurt, you'll pick yourself up, and you'll stand a little taller with that experience under your belt.
In the end, you can't let anything blind you, be it love, fear, or anything else. Keep your head on straight, never forget what you're aiming for, and TRUST YOURSELF. If it feels right, it probably is.
Don't lose faith in the way the universe works, and if you ever do, read A Piece of Cake by Cupcake Brown. Her life story will prove to you that everything happens for a reason. It's really very moving.
Anyway.
Trust that you are right where you're supposed to be, and everything will work out in the end.
And specifically to you, the friend I'm talking about, I KNOW things will work out for you. You're too good of a person for them not to. Look at how successful you've been already, in all of your endeavors.
I don't think you realize how much I admire you, and I don't think you realize how lovable you really are.
Is it because so many people have thrown you away for some other broad that you feel like nobody could really actually want you?
I feel the same way, look at what jerkface did to me. If that's not proof that people are sometimes just plain stupid and selfish, then I don't know how else to prove it to you.
Does loving this guy feel right? Does loving this guy seem right?
If your mind and your heart (without fear clouding them) agree, then I think you've got something worth fighting for, and if you do, I hope neither of you ever forget how lucky you are to have each other.
Thanks for readin' :]
